Late Night Conversations
Do you have that one friend who has the guts to tell you the cold, hard truth? I do. We were talking last night. The conversation was so fun at first. Talking like we used to when everything was perfect. Then as the time passed and we went deeper into the night, the words began to shift from happy jokes to lectures about everything that I’m doing wrong. Everyone always gives me lectures on what I’m doing wrong. But this guy. This guys gets deep into my fucking mind and his words become engraved on the little heart I have left.
Wow I haven’t been on here in such a long time. I’m trying to finish my story so that I can get it off my chest but I can’t seem to find the correct words to describe the anger and hatred I have for this world. I honestly wish I was like those girls who are really pretty and smart. Wow. Don’t we all. Many times I feel like crap. But today, it’s beyond that. I feel like going out and doing something crazy, or staying home and crying my eyes out, or screaming out all my feelings as I break everything I own and slit my wrists while I drink whiskey and pills, or running away to a rainy place and reading a good book as I drink coffee and light a cigarette. See? My whole mind is just a huge mess. I think that the worst part is, I’m here writing all my feelings to some website where no one will probably read them. But it’s not like I have friends to talk to.
"That’s the best thing a girl can be in this world, a beautiful little fool"
It all started when I was a child…
I still remember the day so vividly. It was a hot summer afternoon and we had all just finished eating lunch. I was eight at the time, my grandparents were staying at our house for the summer, like they do every summer, my father was at work and my brother was asleep for he was still a baby. My sister was sixteen and completely out of control. But even to this day when I talk to her she seems to have no regrets other than not staying at her high school and going into home school. She was never home though, and when she was, she was always locked up in her room with her best friend. I was never allowed in there because I didn’t know the ‘secret word’ to get in. I was such a gullible child and I believe I still am because of my current situation of which I’ll tell you later…